Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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