the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You made out with two different species that night
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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