My hand turned me down
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
