worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
