I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
