...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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