HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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