It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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