Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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