Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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