I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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