I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
