ya dads aren't the best wingmen
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
