would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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