If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
