Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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