we have officially lost it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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