Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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