the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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