the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
