i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
