Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
