I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.