Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?

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(818): what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand? http://tfl.nu/e114

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.

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(337): Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things. http://tfl.nu/jc42

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off

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(570): A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off http://tfl.nu/1xmy

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(812): View more from Indiana

sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.

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(812): sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city. http://tfl.nu/nl67

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(505): View more from New Mexico

These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"

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(505): These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?" http://tfl.nu/1vuh

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.

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(724): I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet. http://tfl.nu/hq1s

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(519): View more from Ontario

What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?

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(519): What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand? http://tfl.nu/srza

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(217): View more from Illinois

she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...

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(217): she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening... http://tfl.nu/ap34

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(739): View more from

The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.

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(739): The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous. http://tfl.nu/v9ao

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(514): View more from Quebec

Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.

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(514): Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance. http://tfl.nu/bud1

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(303): View more from Colorado

As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....

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(303): As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak..... http://tfl.nu/pe8z

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup

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(715): Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup http://tfl.nu/az6p

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(937): View more from Ohio

Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron

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(937): Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron http://tfl.nu/gvqp

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(216): View more from Ohio

i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control

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(216): i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control http://tfl.nu/rhtt

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(614): View more from Ohio

i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing

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(614): i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing http://tfl.nu/j284

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