just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different