when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.