You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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