last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
