Cold hands, warm shart.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
