Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
