ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
