at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
