Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
