3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
