i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We just shotgunned beers for America
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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