laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
