wat bout pragnant strippers??
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
