it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
