I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
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I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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