If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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