Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
