kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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