it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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