Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
