Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
