I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
