I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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