There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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