I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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