I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
