may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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