careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
