I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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