i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
