let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
