listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
