I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
