your parents love me but you hate me
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
