went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
