You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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