I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
