So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
