did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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