we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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