apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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