Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
