i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
