no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize