I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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