Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
