Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
then he tried to convert me to islam
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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