i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
