can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
