You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
