We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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